I found out I was pregnant with number 2 when Zoe was 18 months old. The store was in its infancy- I think the excitement about the store may have "caused" number 2's conception. It was less than perfect timing, but, as we learned with Zoe, there is no such thing as perfect timing.I live across the street from The Briar Patch and they were able to direct me to some books that would get me started. I really wanted a book that would show Zoe what was happening in my belly. I found What's Inside Your Tummy Mommy, which has life size drawings. Now the text was way over her head, but there was so much room for conversation about each image. It ends with page that says, "Push! Push! Push!" and flips down to reveal a newly emerged baby. Over and over again we had conversations, that she led, around the images. It led to great conversations about nutrition, anatomy and our midwife.
We also bought My New Baby. This book works really well for our family because it shows a babywearing (not strolling pushing), breastfeeding (not bottle feeding), co sleeping (not crib sleeping) family. At first I was daunted by that lack of words on the page, but as with Tummy Mommy, Zoe knew what to talk about on each page. It prepared her for sharing night-night (her word for breastfeeding) and for mommy carrying the new baby. We still go back to this book a lot. She digs it out when she is working through something new.
From Day 1 we talked a lot about the baby in mommy's belly, but I knew it was a hard concept for the munchkin to wrap her head around. I thought that with proper reading material, the transition would be smooth. I thought maybe she would be a little angry at times and that we would work through it. What I wasn't prepared for was her moments of profound sadness. She loved him from the moment she met him. I really believe that, but there were layers to her coming to understand that he was here to stay and that sometimes his need for me outweighed hers. Challenging moments.
Thankfully I have several employee friends who could tell me with great honesty that it would get better. And it did. We still go back to her books a lot. She digs them out when she is working through something new. They have been instrumental in potty training, sharing, picking up and more.
Maybe I needed the books for therapy. Maybe they made me feel better and prepared me for what Zoe would experience. I learned that though the timing wasn't perfect for Zoe or the store (the store is a whole other conversation), that she became who she needed to be to make our family what it is. When I see the two of them rolling around on the floor together, or I see Zoe readinding to Grant, or teaching him a lesson from one of her books (babies only eat night night) I think that maybe the real lesson is that any timing is perfect.
Other great books:
Best Ever Big Sister/Brother by Karen Katz- Zoe loves this book almost as much as My New Baby. Lots of good images and text showing all the special things a toddler/young child can do.
Look at Me, Waiting for Baby, You and Me- Other great books in the My New Baby series. Look at Me focuses on all the things toddlers can do. This is a phrase I heard a lot from Zoe in the months after Grant was born. It helped me be mindful of not starting exclusively at the baby. Waiting for Baby inspires great conversation about pregnancy. You and Me fosters a great early relationship between siblings. Toddlers need lots of prep and these books are great before and after the baby comes.
Now I'm Growing: I'm a New Big Brother/Sister- I don't like this one as much as the others. It has a lot more "standard" stuff i.e. baby in crib, hospital birth, etc. But it has some great images and addresses the ever important "Where did baby come from," a question you probably won't hear from your toddler, but this book would be better for a 4-7 year old and I can see us going back to it for some stuff.
Books to avoid:
Big Sister Dora- This book gets everything wrong from my account, except Dora's enthusiasm. Barney's book is waaaaaaaaay better.
Arthur, Berenstein Bears, etc.- Any book that focuses on the jealousy, and fighting for more than a page. These books aren't just a reflection of how your child may feel, they are prescriptive. If you put it into their perception that they should be mad, sad, jealous, then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Help them see how to be excited, happy and participatory!
Great post!
ReplyDeleteOur first two were 19 months apart, and our third came along 4 years later. We loved "My New Baby", too! Our first loved to tell the story to us, and without words it was nice that we could add things to it, bring up questions our daughter had. When they were bigger this time around, they still loved that book! We also loved the Sears' book "What Baby Needs". It also has breastfeeding, babywearing (mom AND dad), and shows a cosleeper. It was a great book for us.
Those young years are hard, but also so sweet. My boys are 21 months apart, and even without any challenging circumstances like allergies or colic, they were still long, tiring days and nights. Now the boys are in 2nd and 4th grades, and every day I realize again that we have given them both the amazing gift of a sibling. Even though they don't really realize it because our society doesn't really think of siblings in these terms, they are definitely each others' best friend. For older children (4+), It's Not the Stork is a wonderful book, more in the "where do babies come from" vein.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning it was hard to see that I had given her the "gift" of a sibling, but now I know it is true!
DeleteI hated that Bernstein bears one! Rachel loved one that had a page that talked about how new babies couldn't eat ice cream. I can't remember the title (but I can visualize the hours spent looking at that page, saying over and over again... no, our baby won't be able to eat ice cream, just Rachel).
ReplyDeleteFor the older big sister or brother, It's So Amazing is a great book.